To the hard spoken and tired exhausted mom that keeps coming to my awareness … I Don’t Mean To Judge… And I Don’t Know How much of a hard time you are having…. But for my own sanity, I have got to get this off my chest because it’s just too hard watching your boy being bullied by you every day.
I usually do the school runs and almost every morning I witness the same scene going on. I drop Cristiano (almost 6yrs old) off at his pre-school, we do our usual goodbye ritual with kisses, handshakes and all and I leave with Sofia in hand to take her to her nursery school. The time is usually 7:50am (ish).
While walking to the car park I see the same car stopped right in the middle of the road. The mom is standing, bent over in the back passenger seat’s door ‘dressing’ her son who is about the same age as Cristiano. Her face is hard. Her forehead all wrinkled as she struggles through her internal strife to get this boy out the car and into the school, late, yet again. He is despondent. Uncooperative. Distant but wanting so badly to be hugged or tickled or given a piggy back or something. Just do something momma to soften this load instead of passing it over to your child day in and day out!
She is huffing and puffing and really letting him have it verbally … AGAIN.
(The rest of this article was going to be a bash up of this mom. For some reason I couldn’t get to my laptop to finish writing it. Things kept happening that stopped me from writing in that train of thought. Today, as I sit and hear my inner voice tugging at my heart strings it is saying… “why has this been brought to my awareness? What within me has attracted this experience to me? Why do I feel the way I feel?” … And so, instead of writing about that mom, I will write about THIS MOM and her deeper experience of the situation. I want to be THIS MOM more often).
Here I go….
In my model of the world, I live by the belief that we attract exactly what we are in essence vibrating and that we are responsible for ALL that comes into our awareness. This is a hard pill to swallow at times because sometimes I just don’t like what I am attracting!!! For example the experience of the mom and boy… I have attracted that into my awareness and I am responsible for that. WTF!!!???
I asked myself “How on earth am I doing that?”
The answer came swift and hard: I got stuff to sort out on the inside and it’s time to get to work!
Sidenote – if you know anything about how our reality is created, you will understand how our mind works and collects trillions upon trillions of bits of information according to our conditioning and filters all that through our values, needs, wants, focus questions etc etc, and then splashes out our experiences onto the screen of life called reality – THAT IS ANOTHER BLOG POST
My first response to the situation I was experiencing at the school was sadness for the little boy. Then remorse for the mom because of what she might be dealing with internally to be managing herself in this manner. And as I write this, I realise all these emotions are in the bubble of the emotion of FEAR. Ok, so I have a fear of how this boy will grow up. I fear the type of life he will inevitably build because of this…. BUT ACTUALLY, my own fears as a parent of 2 young children are rebounding off this situation so this is where I got to shake up and wake up! I often say to myself ‘Alexia, this is BS! You know better!” It’s time to release the non-resourceful beliefs you hold, the fear, and allow the situation to dissolve itself from my awareness so that it no longer has any hold on me.
My first go-to tool for this type of situation (because of the emotions it surfaced for me) is Ho’Oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian prayer that consists of 4 phrases and my own little synonym for each:
I’m Sorry (repenting)
Please forgive me (admitting)
Thank You (gratitude – high vibration)
I love you (high vibrational love)
This prayer works because it is on the presupposition that I am fully responsible for my experience of the little boy and his mom and the way I am responding to it. I am asking for forgiveness because, in a way, I am responsible for the situation. Otherwise why would it come to my awareness? Am I making sense? There is a sense of empowerment in taking full responsibility of ALL of my experiences and it truly releases me from the victimhood frame of mind. Also, there is a divine energy attached to the prayer that when said over and over again a sense of release and gratitude comes over me allowing the blessings to flow from my heart and into the space around me.
This prayer can be used in any and every situation that stirs up a response, a judgement, an emotion in me that is non-serving. I find that I use it most when I am saddened by situations outside of me, being experienced by other people around me. So instead of wallowing in the sadness, or other non-resourceful emotion that originally comes up I go into this prayer of ‘I’M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME , THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU’ repeating it many times. Staying in the sadness does not help me nor the external situation brought to my awareness that raised the sadness within me. It is important to understand here that I do not say the prayer in order to change the situation. Nothing I do can change the situation. I can only change my response and offering towards it. When something truly devastating happens, I allow the ‘sad’, I ride the wave of ‘sad’ and then I offer the prayer so that a higher energy and love and peace and forgiveness stays in the air, instead of the energy of the ‘sad’. Am I making sense? I am not deleting the sad. I am just releasing it and replacing it with a higher vibration of love and gratitude. I accept responsibility for my judgement, response and emotion and then I release it and go into higher vibe mode.
The power of forgiveness, gratitude and love is a great gift that we have been blessed with abundantly in our lives. It is time to put this gift into OVERDRIVE so that we give even more of it to our souls and let it ripple out into our world. What comes back to us is a reflection of what we are inside.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this in the comments