“When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly” Barbara J. Winter
Some say that no one is born a great parent. That it’s something that is learnt along the way. By trial and error, so to speak. Others say that the motherly instincts will kick in as soon as baby arrives. I don’t know about you, but I am the type of person who likes to be prepared for special arrivals BEFORE they arrive. It is a paradoxical situation. Both exciting and daunting. Becoming a parent is a role of the most highest honor. One in which the parent guides but also allows to be guided. It is an act of surrendering and overcoming. One of the greatest opportunities in life at making a profound difference on this planet. The daily act of ‘molding’ another human being is one that no matter how much I tried to prepare for, or how many books I read, or how many people gave their advice, or how many schools of thought I follow… as a first time mommy, it still felt like a punch in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of me like nothing else. And then I finally realized, maybe I’m not supposed to be trying to ‘mold’ another human being. Maybe it’s me who’s being molded by the grace of my child to be the person I’m supposed to be…? To become the person he needs me to be. Welcome to the sacredness of motherhood!
The truth is, becoming a mother has been (and will continue to be) the most challenging role I have in this incredible journey of life. AND, it is a role that I so deeply cherish to my core. It is thanks to this part of me, that I can learn and be blessed simultaneously and constantly each day.
Let me put you in the picture of my life and allow me to go back to what seems to be a long time ago (about 10 years), where the only person I had to really ever think about was … surprise surprise… ME! Those were the days! Life was a real beach. (Literally! I live in the coastal town of Paphos on the beautiful Mediterranean island of Cyprus and the beach is on my doorstep!)
This is where I met my future husband. We had our ups and a few downs. Thankfully, we figured out the downs, had a beautiful wedding and proceeded to live what we perceived to be a blissful existence, travelling and doing whatever we pleased, whenever we pleased. Life was perfect.
Or was it?
In September of 2011, a door began to open in my life that led me through a tunnel of darkness, down a hole of self realization and up a ladder of light. I cried many tears, explored many past experiences and finally arrived at a place where I felt at peace with the wholeness of the person I am and familiar with the magnitude of my P & P (potential and possibilities), of all human P & P.
I became a Certified RSCI Life Coach.
I will leave out the details of HOW I arrived at the door for another article but one thing I will share with you is that once I walked through the door, MY life, OUR lives, were forever changed.
Things shifted inside… outside… EVERYWHERE! Like an earthquake. I experienced far too many internal ‘A-Ha’ moments to list here and immediately after my training ‘strange coincidences’ began to appear. We were offered to rent a gorgeous house in a perfect location (we had been discussing about moving out the apartment for a while). Then, a month after that we found out I was pregnant with our first child (something we had been hoping would happen for almost a year). What a joyous miracle! More coincidental changes of ‘life after training’ were visible in my husband. Everything rubbed off on him as he became (and still is) my live-in experiment for my coaching techniques, tools and the first to be subjected to new developments in my training. He’s a lucky man I think.
Like magic, he began to feel his own shifts within himself. Small changes started happening in his life, in his work environment, in his personal choices on a social, cultural, psychological, emotional and intellectual level. He started reading books that fueled his new thirst for change, growth and development. This is a man who never opened a book in his life! He was a real transformation happening before my eyes and it was and still is wonderful to witness. All of this just because I CHANGED. My new perspective on life caused me to respond to my world at a different frequency and changes were happening. We started to see ourselves differently; first as individuals, then as a couple, then as partners on this earth and finally, as a family team embarking on an exciting adventure.
9 months down the line and our 1st baby is born. We named him Cristiano, and boy what a blessed learning curve he has been! The first year was a rollercoaster. I remember we made many mistakes. Cristiano was learning as much as we were and he made sure we understood what those lessons were. The endless nights of sleeplessness were the hardest. Or was it the nights when I was home alone while my husband had to work night shifts and I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the evening without him being there to support me? Or was it the painful, debilitating tendonitis I created in my hand which led me to (hesitantly) stop exclusively breastfeeding after 6 months as I started on anti-inflammatories. (A very powerful technique may have helped here to resolve some emotional blockages and consequently allow the symptom of tendonitis to heal, avoiding the surgery strongly advised by several Orthopedic Doctors). They were all challenging times as a first time mommy. But I wouldn’t change them for a thing. It was those challenges that stretched me. During those times, my faith pulled me through and my experience as a Life Coach kept me above water.
Some nights I would hold Cristiano and cry sweet tears of joy, GRATEFUL for the pure love that he expressed and symbolized to me. I also remember his sweet breath close to my ear while burping him after a feed. I recall his intimate clinging to me, or was it me clinging to him, trying to soak up as much of his raw and pure love as I could? His illuminating love and light always exploding and pouring all over me. I remember his tiny fingers and toes and how I loved to give him a massage after his bath. How he loved to be held and how I loved to hold him. I remember moments when he would stare deeply into my eyes as if he was speaking to my soul or communicating with my deeper intelligence … that huge little miracle was speaking to my soul! How blessed we are that he chose us to be his parents; that he chose Me to be his mommy.
Now let me tell you something – being a Life Coach mommy is far from easy. There are so many triggers seducing me every day, willing me to crawl back to my old habits and ways of thinking. Teasing me. Enticing about the easy road of ignorance. Thankfully, I have the most amazing tools in the world to kick any, and I mean ANY perceived obstacles to the curb. There are definitely days where I might slip, but the great thing about self awareness is that I can forgive myself, process the un-resourceful emotions, replace them with more positive states and go back to being the person I choose to be instead of the victim of a past conditioning. Life Coach mommy at your service!
As a Life Coach mommy I have the great privilege of engaging in the most fascinating discussions with our son. We talk about the power of his neurology. How he has energy shooting through his mind and body with every thought he has and every emotion that he generates. How he is made of the same stuff as the stars! We chat about how he may help the healing process when he is unwell and how mommy and daddy also do their own inner work to help with that. On many occasions we have conversed about how his thoughts create his reality. There have been countless times where he has had first-hand experience on making things happen or appear exactly as he wants, just by projecting his intentions. We call it “sending a message”. He sends a clear message and receives the desired result. It’s a fun game to play with a 3yr old! It comes so easily and naturally to him; A master of the Law of Attraction at such a young age while we ‘all-knowing’ grown-ups have to really learn to focus and be clear. He’s a clean canvas and not tainted by years of oblivious conditioning from his environment or a past full of regrets, debilitating beliefs and subconscious sabotaging self-talk. I get to teach him the power of his chosen words and how they directly instruct his body, mind and universe. They are the building blocks of his world. I’m allowed to understand his needs (for Love ~ Connection, Certainty, Variety and Significance) and teach him how he has everything required to fulfill these needs from within. In our home, it is vital that Cristiano learns that he is the source of his personal happiness so as not to seek it from the outside world. This helps maintain a healthy dose of self worth, values and self integrity while reinforcing that the fulfillment found in external sources is only temporary and not sustainable. Imagine living this adventure on a daily basis!
Another of many advantages of being a Life Coach mommy is knowing how to handle possible situations where fear (or other un-resourceful state) might be installed unnecessarily. How we respond in situations of perceived fear will most definitely dictate how our child will respond in future similar situations. So, Life Coach mommy knows to respond in a way that will get the desired behavior. I teach this to my clients too. Fear is disabling. Fear is scary. Fear is controlling. Of course there are times where Fear protects you and is serving you, and even then, the fear should not take over. Embracing that which you are fearful of will release it’s power over you. But how do you do that with a child when you yourself are literally frozen in fear? In a nutshell, you process the root cause of your fear, releasing you to consciously manage your response to the situation and your child in a more resourceful state. OR, we could do a round of ‘Polarities Integration’ and poof! All sorted. (This is a very successful tool that I am using and it is working magic in many people’s lives). When it comes to emotions and states of resourcefulness like feeling happy, joyful, grateful, self-confident, successful, invincible and so much more! As a Life Coach trained in NLP, I help my child (and teach my clients) how to ANCHOR such desired states so that they are easily accessible whenever they are needed.
Being a Life Coach mommy drives me to be authentic to myself. It keeps me on track, working at flexing my neuro-muscles so that I successfully process whatever comes up in my awareness instead of collecting ‘stuff’ like negative perceptions, ‘baggage’, feelings, thoughts, experiences, opinions of others, fears that sneak in, doubts, disabling beliefs and then having all of that recklessly projected onto our child. There’s no way one cannot project. We do it all the time however by clearing out the garbage there’s a better chance that our child will get the best of us.
Becoming and living as a Life Coach is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself and now I can SEE the ‘ripple effects’ of that choice glimmering in my family and in my environment.
If you ask me “come on, what is it REALLY like being a Life Coach mommy? IT’S ABSOLUTELY, UNDOUBTEDLY, SUPERCALLIFREDULOUSTICKEKSPIALLIDOCIOUSLY AWESOME!!!
And when some say that parenting is challenging, or a child is impossible to handle, I just say “When did you decide that?” and with a puzzled look on their face I smile back as if to say ‘Yes; you once made a decision about it’. Then, a glimmer ripple across their eyes. And then, when you are ready now, “When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly”…
Let US learn how to fly so that our children can soar!