Failing is actually succeeding. It is not the problem at hand.
Last night our son (Cristiano 7) had his Christmas School Play and after that we went for a late family dinner. We arrived at the restaurant with my mom and our son while my husband and our daughter Sofia (3) were already there waiting for us.
As I walked towards the table and saw Sofia being very busy pouring her dad’s beer into a glass. She’s pretty well coordinated and has lots of pouring exercise in her back pocket, and yet, my mind kept rolling out the thoughts of ‘she’s going to spill and beer is going to land everywhere including on her clothes which will make her smell like a barman!’
I know it sounds funny but even though I know she can pour, I still had the fear based thoughts of FAILURE in my mind. I had to really consciously make an effort to let her be and continue with her pouring. She was finding deep satisfaction in doing this act for her dad, just like her older brother used to do when he was that age.
And you know what? The truth is…. SO WHAT IF SHE SPILLS!
This is my message to you today. SO WHAT IF YOU SPILL?
Spill over in your job. In your kitchen. In your marriage. In your business.
SO WHAT IF YOU FAIL?
Failure is actually feedback telling you to tweak your process or take another path.
Just like spilling the beer would be feedback to Sofia that she needs to tweak her process.
So, what have you failed at lately?
Do you make room for failure?
Are you accepting of your failures and messes?
Or are you not even daring to try?
Give some serious thought to these questions because your answers will reveal a lot about how you manage your children’s relationship and response to failure.
I’ll give you an example:
Sofia took a looong time to stop wetting herself after we took the diapers off.
She would do very well on some days and not well at all on others.
Her success was very very closely related to the way I responded to the ‘fails’ when she didn’t manage to get to the toilet on time.
I admit, there were days when she had just gotten into clean clothes or we were just about to get out the door and she resisted going to the toilet before-hand which ended up with her peeing on herself; on some of those days, I did have a less than appropriate response.
I realized though that the less attached I became to her ‘failures’ which was coupled by me giving a response like ‘oh, ok, let’s get you out of those wet clothes’ without emotionally responding either verbally or with body language or energetically, she was a lot more relaxed and accepting of her own ‘failure’.
Which in essence wasn’t a failure – it was just a process of her learning her body cues and accepting the As Is. Teaching me to do the same. AKA – success!
This is just one example of many that have occurred in my life and on a daily basis with my children, my business, my relationships.
We learn through our failures. There is no way around this.
So having a good relationship with ‘failure’ is a good idea and builds resiliency, courage, persistence, patience, grit, risk taking, emotional intelligence, confidence, self trust, acceptance, problem solving etc etc etc.
On the flip side, if we FEAR failure, then we build fear and FEAR BLOCKS GROWTH.
Nothing good can come from fear.
When fear is present, then as parents, you must become friends with your own fears, dig into them, question them, be curious, give them the space to unfold and get to the root cause of them which essentially brings you through a process of ‘debunking’ your own fears.
Because my friend, your fears are not actually your fears. They have been imprinted on you throughout your life by those around you.
You can still have fears AND choose to move forward despite them.
THIS IS CULTIVATING FAITH, TRUST, COURAGE!
The very characteristics which we hope to see in our children.
BUT TRUST ME, IF YOU DON’T CULTIVATE THEM IN YOURSELF, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SEE THEM IN YOUR CHILD.
You will keep seeing fears!
If you want to have more tools on how to process, unblock and release the fears that are holding you back as a mom, so that you can see your family thrive, growing from the ‘failures’ and moving towards the life you dream of, then you will love the PheMOMenal Breakthroughs Program where moms like you are getting the opportunity to dive deep and release the fears they’ve been holding onto for years so they are able to experience life FREE of the baggage that is holding THEM and their families down.
If you are a mom who is DONE with your fears, Click on this link to book your FEAR less Call Right now!
I promise you, you will be amazed at the results! You deserve to live in a space of fulfillment and joy! Fear steals these from you. I can help you with that!