Why It Doesn’t Exist Outside Of You (Work-Life Balance)

We have become inundated with the notion of ‘WORK-LIFE’ balance. With the idea of ‘having it all together’ and with the idea that not having it all together means failure. With the idea that not having ‘balance’ is a problem.

You see, right here, I have a problem with that idea… it tells me that not having something means we got to chase it and find it somewhere out there. Right? It doesn’t give me a sense of power or choice. It makes me feel I’m not in control.

I have to get a little personal here to shed some light onto this ‘problem’:

When I was still working an office job (I was there for 15yrs), it was only once I realized I didn’t want to be there anymore that the ‘work-life’ balance theory came into play for me. Because once I decided I didn’t want to be there, things started to get harder for me. It was harder to stay positive. It was harder to get things done at the office. It was so much harder to get things done at home and be satisfied with what I managed to do. It was HARDER going to work on Monday! It was harder in general to continue being that person and to let go of control and just BE in the moment and enjoying the blessings.

This was all happening because of my mind. I was future focused. I was imagining myself at this desk job that I didn’t want to be in and it created stress within me. Consciously, I had decided I was done with that job, but subconsciously I was in fear because I was having thoughts like ‘how am I going to make a living?’ and ‘what if I don’t make it?’ and ‘we need the money’ and ‘what if I fail?’ and ‘I am crazy to leave the security of such a high paying job’ and so on and so on… Not to mention people around me thought I was a nutcase! And, being a mother, I was supposed to keep a home, raise my child, work a full time job and find time for entertainment and socializing!!!?? WTF!

My heart decided to leave that job. My mind decided to leave that job. But it was my subconscious programming that had to catch up. Sometimes there can be resistance in this process because of long standing beliefs and old stories! As in my case. And so came the path of the inner work.

I had to go into my belief system.
I had to work on my self-love.
I had to address my worthiness.
I was forced to do a lot of introspection and resolution work regarding where I wanted my life to go and how I was going to do that.
Forgiveness was a theme. Gratitude definitely a theme. Grace was a theme. Joy. Patience. Surrender. Trust!

And then, when I fell pregnant with Sofia, in 2015, I intrinsically knew that she would be the driving force behind me letting go of my secure, safe, comfortable environment that I was in. And a couple of months before she was born on 1st July 2016, I had resigned and started my new journey as a stay at home mom / budding entrepreneur / pursuing my dream and working as a Professional Life Coach transforming the world around me.

For 2 full years I sat back and took motherhood in again, this time being even more fully, completely present with my kids. Without the added pressure of having to ‘go to a job to work’. Not that being a mother is not hard enough work, but it had a different element of satisfaction for me. I am so blessed to have had that gift. The intimate and deeply loving support from my husband was and still is THE DIAMOND in all this.

As soon as Sofia started nursery school I jumped at the opportunity to continue my dream work using the couple of hours I had childfree to put some pieces of my puzzle together. When I look back, if I want to judge myself, I could say that I still didn’t have a healthy work-life balance (when we judge we look at the things we didn’t get done, or the goals we didn’t achieve or the deadlines we missed or the meals we didn’t cook etc. we look at our imperfections and the things that look a mess from the lens of our distorted eyes), while knowing that I did and am doing exactly what is required in a day, without expecting more of myself… IT IS A PERFECT BALANCE FOR ME! And funny enough, everything works out just perfectly as it should.

The reason I am telling you all of this is so you can see how I fell into that trap of life-work balance BECAUSE I was no longer fulfilled in my environment that I was in. It was a continuous struggle trying to ‘BALANCE’ everything especially the inner side of me. Knowing that my dreams were on hold because I wasn’t yet clear on what I wanted or how I could get it. The doubts and the fears were pushing walls up against my dreams. I couldn’t see HOW I was going to get my dreams ‘done’.

The thing is … THE HOW… is never clear to us from the start. That is where TRUST comes in.

Clarity did come once I decided that a new chapter was beginning, but THE HOW, was still very very blurry. It still is, and that’s ok!

Ever so gently, new ideas began to come to me, new experiences, new people, new emotions, new growth! This happened because I let go of the old pattern of trying to find balance.

How did I do that?

By realizing I didn’t need to find anything anymore because the balance I was so desperately searching for was ALWAYS inside of me. I didn’t need to look anywhere outside of me for that.

It just felt out of whak at a point in time because I was desiring something different for my life and I needed to take action towards that. Our emotions show us… they show us that our reality aka our thinking process is not aligned with our desires. The longer you stay in a way of life that is not serving you the more out of balance you will feel. It will be a downward spiral. That doesn’t mean you have to change your career… or it might mean that the career you are in is in fact not something you want to be doing for the rest of your life. In the same breath, before you make decisions you must ask yourself what is driving your emotions and behavior. There will be a pattern of thoughts behind this and a set of beliefs too.

Once I started taking steps towards my dream, doing something that honors my hearts desires, my balance is renewed and there is not much that can sway it. If it does get swayed, I know now, that it is not the outside that needs to be addressed, but it is the inside. So that is when I retreat. I make time to reconnect with my heart. I make space to allow the emotions to be, to come out and I allow, accept and love all that I am. THIS IS BALANCE. Taking note of your emotional, mental, spiritual state will guide you to YOUR balance! Trusting that your heart is your compass. Trusting that you are provided for ALWAYS. And taking action, small little signifcant steps every day to honor your heart.

DO THIS:
If YOU are finding you are feeling without this life-work balance stuff… (which inevitably means you are in a state of lack) I invite you to go within and ask your heart what is required of you to honor it’s highest intentions. I assure you, that if you ask this question while being in a coherent state with your heart, you WILL get an answer. It might not be an answer you are prepared to hear, but it is YOUR HEART’S answer and it is on your onus to honor it.

Remember, when it comes to your heart, ASK and you shall RECEIVE!

Alexia

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May 19, 2019

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